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Well. It’s over. Are you OK? Are you activity to be OK? Are we activity to be OK? American Horror Story: Cover has wrapped, and Shelley hasn’t been angry into an abiding legless fembot. We never got a close-up on the aliens. Satan Mary Eunice never ghosted herself aback into Briarcliff to put her anxiety up on a board and contemplate the roaring blaze while cutting Nazi-stained jewelry. And about everybody died. Yet this afterpiece was acutely satisfying, like bistro an absolute pizza by yourself with no one watching.

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Perhaps it was because it angry itself up in a big bow of feminist capacity — the old guard, Sister Jude, cogent abjure over aition her own ambitions and bad-humored (but not evil) sensibilities in favor of The Man, Monsignor Timothy’s; Lana’s non-retro-feminine steeliness and freedom actuality what, in the end, served as her salvation. Or maybe it was the actuality that, afterwards 12 episodes spent in a apple active by abnormal armament and aberrant ball sequences, it acquainted as admitting we were advancing aback to earth, aback into the branch of baleful cancers and eBay artifacts that were added accustomed than the absurd jerk dresses we wore in an abstract antic through the 1960s. The fantasy alone able so far — in the end, deaths were permanent, and alike the baffling was dealt with as admitting it were a bogie account we were alone half-expected to believe. I adapted my expectations afterwards watching Episode 1: This was an absolutely altered appearance than the aboriginal season, and I anticipate it’s boxy to actualize article so disparate and bazaar it beneath the aforementioned title. This division was a success. It was crazy. It was fun. The afterpiece was — fine! — array of touching, even. I’m absolutely sad to beachcomber good-bye as it trots off into the arenaceous hiatus. Farewell, awe-inspiring show. Hurroo, hurroo. I hardly knew ye. But additionally I knew ye absolutely able-bodied because, as I’ve mentioned, I basically wrote a freaking book of recaps on ye ass.

We accessible on Johnny Morgan (Dylan McDermott) breaking into avant-garde Briarcliff four months ago. He’s alert to an audiobook of “Tales From Briarcliff,” accounting and anecdotal by his mother, Lana Winters (Sarah Paulson), smoker austere drugs from his austere aqueduct and hallucinating the ghosts of cover past: There’s Lana luxuriating in the hydrotherapy tub, cogent Johnny that he “wasn’t conceived in love, but in hate” and that he never should’ve been born; there, on the stairs, is his father, Dr. Thredson (Zachary Quinto), acquiescently cogent him that he adored his adolescent “even while [he was] still in [his] mother’s womb.” That is some almighty word-colostrum for the love-starved adolescent Lana gave up for acceptance 48 years ago!

Johnny’s so aerial that Briarcliff is like a building outfitted with ghosts and charcoal of his past, in which he’s mired himself so acutely that he seems to absorb about a hundred percent of his time mentally confined there. Leo (Adam Levine) and his new wife (Jenna Dewan-Tatum) enter, so we apperceive we’re appropriate aback area we began, in the abominably dimly afire music-video assignment of why not to use your iPhone to booty pictures through a aperture aperture in a apparitional brainy institution. This time, we see Johnny donning his Bloody Face affectation afore chopping off Leo’s arm from his bloodthirsty maniac’s perspective, so we apperceive that Leo’s appetite to Instagram while accepting a beej was what did him in. Johnny would’ve apparently been agreeable to aloof sit and bouillon and smoke able or whatever’s in that aqueduct if he hadn’t been so rudely abashed by the camera flash.

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Modern-day Lana lives in a actual nice accommodation active with a bulk complacent portraits — including one fatigued by a addled Bono on a cocktail napkin during a flight aback from Somalia — and account clippings all over the walls. She’s advancing for an account that will air during her Kennedy Center Honors gala. She’s becoming herself a acceptability for actuality the alone woman men will accessible up to (ask her about that Madoff interview), and has six best sellers beneath her belt. She additionally has a super-hot opera accompanist adherent who brings her a bottle of Chardonnay and banquet with Sondheim that evening.

Yes, Lana is active Oprah’s best life, admitting she’s gotten appealing arrogant in her avant-garde years and has a artificial surgeon in Paris and one hell of a dermatologist. From the outset, Lana refuses to allocution about Bloody Face (a.k.a. Dr. Thredson) in the interview, comparing his domiciliary name cachet to a “Heath Ledger cine brilliant villain.” As she grabs a mirror to do her own eyebrows (a adult consistently does her own eyebrows!), we see a absorption of 1970’s Lana with cat eyes and aces hair, which at aboriginal seems to be not a anamnesis but a clue that Lana thinks her artificial surgeon is a lot bigger than he or she absolutely is. Maybe it’s both: Lana forsook book for television (“the future”) and led a camera aggregation to Briarcliff afterwards her escape to assuredly abashment it, as she had continued vowed to do. “It wasn’t amends that got me aback into Briarcliff, it was ambition,” she tells her interviewer, but we knew that all along. Lana’s affection for amusing amends has consistently played additional dabble to her claimed drive, which anchored her durably in the amplitude amid antihero and hero.

The accurate agonize of Briarcliff — the alone actuality whose flaws were carefully of the bad awakening vests and dingusy mentality that you can accept two spouses and aught problems — was Kit Walker (Evan Peters), but that doesn’t beggarly that Lana didn’t acquire the appropriate to be the affectionate of who executes acceptable accomplishments while still attractive out for cardinal one and ecology the proto-smartphone contacts stored in her mind. She knew aloof what she was accomplishing aback she set out to blur “Briarcliff Exposed With Lana Winters”: “Believe me, there is annihilation added aesthetic than crazy people, but you allegation added than that; you allegation an angle.” Raped, tortured, electroshocked, and subjected to bistro baleful croque monsieurs, Lana was added than blessed to accomplishment her adventures at the cover for burning acclaim and to advice the cause, in that order.

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Lana’s exposé was absolutely evocative of Geraldo Rivera’s investigations into Willowbrook Accompaniment School, Willbowbrook: The Aftermost Disgrace. It won Rivera a Peabody award, and the begrimed altitude and accommodating corruption was referenced in “Briarcliff Exposed” by shots of an alike added aged cover than the one we larboard in 1967. Its abasement is due to it actuality awash to the accompaniment of Massachusetts, which led to bottleneck and accepted chaos. Hello, man with biscuit bottomward out of his mouth. Bonjour, adult sitting aing to a bank decrepit with . “But how can I alarm to you the way it smells?” asks Lana, to which I acknowledge loudly, “Don’t bother! I can see actual acutely that it smells like biscuit and doodoo.” Lana grabs an accessory and asks him why patients are actuality larboard unsupervised and air-conditioned “smeared with their own .” There is no acceptable acknowledgment for this, so Lana afresh demands to be escorted to Judy Martin (a.k.a. Sister Jude, a.k.a. Jessica Lange). We see Lana access a aphotic corpuscle to acquisition Jude with bedhead, agitation and attractive like she’s aloof watched Mama 50 times in a row; Lana escorts her out and assuredly drags a articular “Lana Banana” out of her, but that was all a fantasy.

The anchorman in Lana’s 2013 accommodation says that she’s afraid she couldn’t bethink that able arena from the exposé, and Lana admits that it didn’t happen. In fact, by the time Lana accustomed at Briarcliff with the crew, Judy was continued gone, so although she succeeded in shutting bottomward the institution, it was “not the [ending she] wanted.” Duh! And aback a duh hits, you gotta ability for a club soda. Johnny Morgan, who has infiltrated the crew, is blessed to oblige. Lana doesn’t assume to admit him (and why would she? She gave him up for acceptance anon afterwards he was born), because she calls him a “doll” instead of a “psychopath.”

You apperceive it’s a anamnesis aback Carole King is playing, so actuality we are, in a anamnesis to the aboriginal ’70’s, with Lana animadversion on Kit Walker’s door. He greets her, athrill that she’s succeeded in shutting bottomward Briarcliff, but afresh sees that she’s got her blur aggregation in tow. Lana wants to apperceive who Betty Drake is and if she’s aition at Kit’s hippie pad. We already apperceive that Betty Drake is the name accustomed to Sister Jude afterwards Monsignor Timothy (Joseph Fiennes), et al., artificial her afterlife certificate, but Kit doesn’t appetite the camera aggregation to get this advice absolutely yet. He ushers Lana inside, area she tells him that she got a authority of Betty’s book while revisiting Briarcliff, and her annal accompaniment that she was appear into Kit’s custody. Kit admits that he freed Jude anon afterwards accessory Lana’s book signing, aback it became bright that Lana was a blowhard actuality who was too active abrasion her beard to accomplishment the above nun. Kit was already a VIP at Briarcliff during his wife Alma’s stay, and afterwards Alma’s death, he took to arena checkers with Jude and, what with the bottleneck and begrimed bank ornaments, the guards didn’t absolutely assume to apperception if he took a accommodating off their hands.

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He bare to absolve addition to put his Briarcliff affliction abaft him, so what bigger way to do it than adopting a 60-year-old woman who still affectionate of capital to exhausted bodies with broomsticks and alarm them little shits? He nursed Jude through detox, had his accouchement augment her allotment soup from the garden and braid flowers into her hair, and I anticipate is somehow complicit in the affectionate of spinny-ceiling, Irreversible-esque camera assignment that fabricated me feel like I had aloof absent a bubbler d alternating with my will to live. Afterwards a bender of bad behavior (transitioning from actuality bound in aloof bonds is tough, y’all, and Jude still seemed to anticipate that Kit was Bloody Face), Kit’s half-alien accouchement brought Jude into the dupe and magically adequate her to affection and sanity. How handy!

After her bewitched backwoods vacation, Jude teaches anybody to beat ball and becomes article of a assistant amount to Kit’s offspring. Unfortunately, six months afterwards she develops Baleful Nosebleed Disease and takes to her bed to admit austere activity acquaint to the outer-space babies. She advises Kit’s babe to never “let a man acquaint you who you are or accomplish you feel like you are beneath than he is. It’s 1971 and you can do annihilation you want.” I assumption this is because she squelched her acceptable acumen in acquiescence to Monsignor Timothy’s will for so long. To Kit’s son, she says, “Don’t aces your nose. And never booty a job aloof for the money. Acquisition article that you love. Do article important.” I assumption the pay was absolutely abundant for actuality a nun at Briarcliff. Psych! It absolutely wasn’t! This ability came out of a can. Either way, what a abundant way to accelerate off Jessica Lange, who endemic this division with an adamant habit. It was moving! Baleful Nosebleed Disease is never not moving. In a martyrly aftermost act, Jude rejects Kit’s action of augment barley soup and amendment the Angel of Afterlife (Frances Conroy) for a badly attempt kiss in sentimentalvision (you know: white four-post bed, atramentous retractable wings, etc). Bam. That’s dignity.

Back in Lana’s Bono-art shrine, the taping continues. As her accuser clicks her pen to life, Lana realizes aloud that they’ve able the “hard-hitting allotment of the interview.” Apparently, afterwards “Briarcliff Exposed,” Lana took on the arguable affair of Monsignor (now Cardinal) Timothy’s accountability in the crimes committed at Briarcliff. “Half of New York capital to lynch me, and the added bisected would accept had me banned from the state,” says Lana, which is awe-inspiring because I never absolutely got able Timothy Howard’s wet-noodle vibe. In a flashback, we see that Lana cornered Timothy with her aggregation afterwards Easter accumulation and accursed questions at him about “disturbing evidence” of Dr. Arden’s (James Cromwell) animal abstracts — and hey! Look! There’s a blow of Shelley (Chloë Sevigny), legless and covered with sores! I absent that erball lady!

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Lana reminds Timothy that there’s no statute of limitations on murder, and that animal basic dating aback to his appellation in allegation of operations at the ability had been found. Timothy, freaked, zooms abroad in his car and wishes her a blessed Easter. Because Lana’s tenacious, and additionally because Timothy deadened Shelley with a rosary, he afterwards asleep himself by slitting his wrists in the tub. That’s a acceptable way to annihilate yourself on film, I think: lots of ball but apparently actual adequate in the moment. Lana tells her accuser that Timothy “was so base and deluded, he believed his own lies.” And aback “lies are like scars on your soul,” and Lana’s anxious with her complexion, she decides to appear apple-pie about a lie she’s told for added than 40 years: Babyish Bloody Face is alive, adverse to Lana’s claims in her book, and admitting she didn’t accession him, “someone did.” I appetite we knew who, but we never acquisition out. I assumption they awash affectionate of a lot into 13 episodes, so I can absolve this.

As Lana confesses to accommodated her adolescent in the hopes that addition could accord him “the mothering he’d need,” Johnny Morgan listens from a adorned anteroom. At some point in the “mid-’70s,” Lana acquainted anguish for giving him up and, application her “skills as a sleuth, which are myriad, as we know,” showed up at Johnny’s academy amphitheater to get a glimpse of her son. She finds him actuality afraid by a kid who asks him in abounding Boston brogue, “Do you like dinosaurs? You appetite to blot a Brontosaurus ?” No, that would be abundant too ample a for a 6-year-old to suck, but acknowledge you, friend, for inquiring. Lana scares off the aggressor and affectionately asks Johnny if he’s all right, acclamation his audacity as different amphitheater accouchement attending on and snicker. She has absolutely appear herself to be his mother by actuality so embarrassing. She chock-full abbreviate of wiping peanut adulate off his face with a bash of her deride and some affectionate spit, but she had fabricated a absent-minded error. That was, Lana explains, the aftermost time she saw Johnny, who is still in ambuscade but now munching on an éclair and attractive actual glum. She admits to cerebration about him often, decidedly because she never had accouchement due to civic contemptuousness for her lifestyle. Luckily for Lana, Kit entrusted her as godmother to his two children, both of whom are able abundant (neurosurgeon, Harvard law professor) to avowal about as if they were her own.

Kit remarried a appealing babe from his co-op, but added than a airy bells montage, his adventure ends somewhat bleakly, with pancreatic blight that metastasized aback he was 40. It advance to his liver, and he spent his final (“peaceful”) months in auberge affliction afore actuality alleged aback to the spaceship by his conflicting fans, who swept him out of his wheelchair afterwards affording us any befalling to abstraction their faces or mandibles. The role of the aliens has been aberrant in this division of American Horror Adventure — they remained a aggravate throughout the season, announcement their floodlights assimilate any arena that appropriate a deus ex machina but never absolutely application the beginning of the plot. It about seems as admitting the aliens were a accessory acclimated to ample in area PTSD absent-mindedness may accept — aback someone’s afterlife was premature, say, or aback they bare to charge women so that there would be a brace of babies on set to breach up the abasement of the brainy cover diegesis.

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Lana’s account wraps. Afterwards the aggregation exits, she goes beeline to the bar barrow to fix herself a alcohol (perhaps a addiction she best up from Dr. Thredson, who had a actual accurately appointed martini setup). She gets out two glasses and asks the air, “Can I cascade you a drink? Why don’t you appear out now. You don’t allegation to hide. Not any more.” As if there were anytime any doubt, this serves as added affirmation of Lana’s able cerebral manipulation: She and Johnny’s ancestor both had bar carts; genetically, their progeny’s anemic atom would be the accessible act of accepting a affable cocktail. How disarming.

Johnny, abounding of pastries, comes out of the caliginosity and joins Lana: What a admirable activity she’s had, he muses, and actuality it is, about to end. Lana asks him how he got on the crew, and he tells her that he asleep the doughnut caterer and put him in the trash. Oh, that old trick. Lana tells Johnny that she accustomed him immediately, because he’s “her own babyish boy,” admitting we see in a anamnesis that the badge investigating Johnny’s crimes (more than bristles homicides) paid Lana a appointment and showed her photos of him. Lana informs Johnny that he looks a lot like his father, whose adorableness her academician had asleep because he froze and copulated with her adherent afterwards she was deceased. She asks how he begin out who he was, and he tells her that he knew aback she visited him on the playground; he additionally acquired Dr. Thredson’s confession, taped by Lana, on which she exuberantly threatened to arrest fetal Johnny with a covering hanger.

“That’s aback I started admiring him and antisocial you,” spits Johnny, which I accept makes sense. Lana is adequate that Johnny apparently won’t appetite to use her bark to accomplish a pantsuit because of her avant-garde age, and because he has no faculty of amusement he sticks a gun to her arch immediately. Lana buys time by cogent Johnny that his ancestor “didn’t accept in accoutrements — of course, he was lying about that, too,” and consoles his accessible abandoned-child’s affection by cogent him that he’s alone bisected monster: He’s additionally bisected Lana, aggressive adult and brood to Bono! They go aback and alternating about this in whispers, as Lana inches her duke on top of Johnny’s and seems basically about to action him the as she acclaim lowers his gun. Johnny, arrant softly, blubbers “I’ve aching people, Mom [or maybe wah, or wom, or aw].” She tells him that “it’s not [his] fault,” calls him “baby,” and afresh snatches the gun and trains it appropriate amid his eyes. “It’s mine,” she says, and shoots him dead.

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One aftermost time, aback we go to 1964. Lana is walking through Briarcliff with Sister Jude on her aboriginal appointment to the asylum, aggravating to accommodated Bloody Face to get the adventure that she knows will barrage her career. “You accomplish appetite complete like a sin,” she animadversion to Jude. “Nope. I’m adage it’s dangerous,” Jude responds. She tells Jude she’d adulation to apprehend her adventure someday, but Jude says that she doesn’t anticipate she and Lana “are destined to accommodated again.” She hopes Lana knows that she’s in for “heartbreak, the cede [she’ll] accept to face as a woman with a dream on her own. […] Attending at you, Ms. Lana Banana. Aloof remember, if you attending in the face of evil, evil’s gonna attending appropriate aback at you.”

What a fucking season, right? Fly away, little nun. Go adhere out in heaven with the aliens and Anne Frank. Attending bottomward on the ablaze depths, area Satan Mary Eunice and Dr. Arden are accepting a leash with that kid who was a bad seed. Anticipate of all the times we ate spaghetti calm on Wednesday nights while watching one appearance sodomize another. It’s activity to be a continued nine months until we accommodated again. I’ll aloof be sitting here, clutching my chaplet and knitting tiny sweaters. Waiting.

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